OWARIMONOGATARI SODACHI LOST
Back then, not even the few friends I had knew my parents' profession.
How in the world did Oikura find out?
Such a curveball was tossed at me by Hanekawa early yesterday morning.
QUESTION
I couldn't answer. I had no idea whatsoever.
If you can't figure it out no matter what you do, how about you go ask your parents?
Sure enough, that shed some light on the answer.
Oikura and I had met back in grade school... In other words, we're childhood friends.
To be precise, it was somewhere back around when I was in sixth grade...
Back around when I was playing with my little sister Tsukihi,
or with Sengoku and the others Tsukihi brought over.
Back then, I was together with Sodachi Oikura.
I don't have many memories of my grade school days,
so I clearly remember about when I played with Tsukihi,
though I called her Lala at the time.
Of course, I remember about you too, Big Brother Koyomi.
There you have it.
One day... Wait, though I am speaking as if I remember all of this now,
I haven't remembered any of this as being reality just yet.
I have no memory of it at all.
This is what my parents told me when I asked them, that's all.
In any case, one day...
My parents came home and brought a girl with them.
That girl was, of course, who is now known to be Sodachi Oikura.
My parents didn't give much of an explanation, but apparently told me and my two younger sisters
that she'd be staying with us for a while, so we should be friends.
My parents had taken Oikura as a child to protect her from her "family,"
and brought her to their own home.
From her "family," where it was seen that violence was already rampant at that time.
I thought that she was something of a mysterious person.
She never tried to play with us,
but didn't attempt to leave the room either, and she never spoke.
However, she suddenly disappeared.
Naturally, it was simply the fact that the child Oikura had returned to her own house of her own accord.
She did so voluntarily.
It wasn't that her parents came to take her back,
or my parents were no longer able to protect her due to certain circumstances...
The child Oikura had decided on her own,
and left my version of "our home," and returned to her version of "our home."
OWARIMONOGATARI
SODACHI LOST, PART TWO
OWARIMONOGATARI SODACHI LOST
How dare you come here.
OIKURA'S CONDO, ENTRANCE
I'll commend you on your nerve, Ararag—
ARARA-G?
Your name is so hard to pronounth...
SAME, DINING ROOM
Well... You look like you're doing well, Oikura. I'm glad.
Look like I'm doing well? Does it look that way?
Really. Just how much of a hypocrite is she?
I'd suspected she wasn't just some quiet, frail little girl...
Maybe I should sue her for bodily injury.
Like, go to the doctor before the swelling goes down and get a certificate for my injuries.
That way, maybe her recommendation for college enrollment will be withdrawn?
Wait... what?
Wh-What is it? Why are you poking my cheek?
Like, poke-poke...
Are we close enough that you could act so mischievously with me?
What crime do you want to be prosecuted for?
With that cheek, you probably wouldn't get a certificate for injuries from any doctor, Oikura.
What?
The swelling completely healed in two nights. What a healing power I have...
It seems like you're doing well, with no major problems.
So, starting tomorrow, you'll come to school again, right, Oikura?
So this is your job as class president, huh? Let's see...
...Hanekawa, was it?
Right. I'm Tsubasa Hanekawa.
So you were asked by our teacher to come pick me up or something?
Hanekawa aside...
Why would you come here?
A...
A-ra-ra-gi.
I don't want to see your face,
and I'm sure you don't want to see my face either, you know?
You know, I thought we really didn't get along with each other.
Was that just my misunderstanding?
It's not a misunderstanding.
But, it wasn't only that, either...
Weren't you the one who taught me that the day before yesterday?
And even back in grade school.
No, well, I thought it'd be dangerous if you threw the tea, Oikura.
So I prepared myself beforehand...
Two days ago, I couldn't stop Senjyogahara, so I thought things over.
THINKING THINGS OVER CAME TO BE OF TOO GOOD A USE.
Oikura.
Let's have a chat...
...about the past.
About the past for you and me.
IN THE END, THE ONE FACING OFF AGAINST OIKURA WASN'T HANEKAWA, BUT ME.
I despise you.
OWARIMONOGATARI SODACHI LOST
Now you remember...
From the look of it, not only did you remember, but, after five years,
it finally got through to you what I was trying to do back then.
Which means... you must totally be making fun of me.
Of someone who was totally kissing up to you in order to get some help...
Of myself.
Kissing up?
I-I'm an idiot.
I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot.
I really am such an idiot!
I-I'm so embarrassed that I tried to save myself when it meant kissing up to a guy like this!
I threw out my pride back then to flatter someone like this!
I licked and lapped his shoes, at least emotionally!
In the hope of making up for my mistakes, I made an even worse one...
Embarrassing, embarrassing!
Embarrassing, embarrassing... I want to die! I want to be gone!
But, Araragi.
Even if it wasn't me, I'm sure the same thing would've happened.
I don't think I was especially unfortunate or anything.
Something like this happens often.
Hey, don't you think so, too?
You can't possibly be feeling sympathetic towards me or anything, right?
Don't pity me...
If you, someone who I despise, pities me, I really feel like I want to die.
I do feel like it can't be helped, no matter what you tell me.
Because I haven't returned one bit of what you've given me.
So if you're telling me not to pity me, then I won't pity you.
If you're saying not to atone for it, of course I won't atone, either.
What's up with that? Are you trying to act tough?
Do you think an attitude like that is especially manly?
Do you think doing something like that makes you a superior human?
Manly? That's just you tossing everything out.
Yeah... but speaking of tossing out, didn't you do the same thing?
I couldn't help it. That's not my fault.
Why I toss things out,
why I run away when I'm sick of it, is all my parents' fault.
My parents are the ones at fault.
It's my parents' responsibility that I ended up like this.
So what are those parents doing now?
Whoa! Why is that on your mind?
I mean, the family makeup of someone like me.
You didn't even consider it at all back in middle school.
After you failed to help me, they happily got a divorce.
My mother got custody of me, and I left this town...
I don't give a rat's ass about what the male parent is doing nowadays.
That's right. That male parent is the one who did all that to that house.
That scumbag.
My mother only hit me when she needed to vent the frustration of being beaten by the male parent.
I've been cooped up in my place like this for over two years now.
But my mother also cooped herself up as well.
Right after we turned into a fatherless family, too...
It seems like the divorce gradually got to her.
She cooped herself up in one room of our new home, and she never left it.
Never left?
It really was horrible.
She cooped herself up inside a locked room and curled up in a corner.
Eventually, she stopped eating altogether.
Mother boarded up all the windows and kept the curtains closed.
The room was pitch black.
And for the longest time, she kept mumbling.
She mumbled stuff like, "Parents can't choose their children," and stuff.
But at some point, she started to ignore me, no matter what I said to her.
Fortunately, Japan is a country that's pretty substantial in providing welfare.
Even without my mother earning a living, as long as you have the proper paperwork,
one parent and one child could barely scrape by.
So "it'd be better if my mother was gone" was something I've never once thought.
This is one thing that's true.
Because I was praying every night...
So that "it'd be better if my mother was gone" would be something I wouldn't wish for.
But, my mother was gone, against my wishes.
AGAINST MY WISHES
One day, without telling me anything,
without confessing anything to me, my mother was gone.
When I came home from school, my mother was gone.
My mother was gone then.
Suddenly, without any warning, she went off somewhere...
See, isn't that a lot like me?
They say that girls often tend to be more like their male parents,
but I'm sure I'm a lot like my mother.
OIKURA, MOST LIKELY
SMILED LIKE HER MOTHER.
OWARIMONOGATARI SODACHI LOST
I made dinner and took it up to her room.
I unlocked the door and went inside, and it was completely empty.
There wasn't even a letter left behind.
My parents...
OIKURA SAYS THAT.
Both of them...
KILLING EMOTIONS
I have no idea of their whereabouts anymore.
SLAUGHTERING HER OWN HEART
In any case, with that, I was freed from taking care of my mother.
I was able to catch up on my schoolwork as well.
Among my relatives, I found someone that could be my legal guardian in name only.
And then, by receiving federal aid, I was able to come back to this town.
I didn't want to see you, so I really didn't want to come back here...
But this was the only place that had an opening.
Why did you decide to live on your own?
You could've continued to live in the house where you had lived with your mother.
Why did you decide to take the time to move at that point?
Because it was a place overfilled with garbage.
I felt it better to toss out the entire house, rather than attempt to clean up at that point.
Thinking over my past, I keep the amount of furniture here sparse.
It looks really neat here, doesn't it?
You get it now... that I'm not that unfortunate?
Something at this level could happen to anyone, can't it?
Some more, some less, but everyone experiences it.
It's something commonplace... or rather, it's not even a story about hardships.
Well, it might be a bit rougher than for most people, sure.
But if you say that, you really can't get by in this world.
If put on the spot, I guess your parent cooping themselves up is something unusual.
But I should be happy that I got to experience something that doesn't happen often, a rarity.
It's not like I'm the only unfortunate one, so I have to do my best.
I'm one of the more fortunate ones, because I'm still alive like this.
So, I'm saying you don't have to pity me...
You don't have to apologize or atone for anything, Araragi.
You don't have to make up for your sins at all.
Somehow, talking about this has cleared my mind, too...
In the end, they're all stories of the past.
The stories of the past that you seek are only stories of the distant past.
They're all stories that have concluded.
END
I was irritated, so I lashed out at you,
but at this point, I don't feel like I want you to do anything for me.
If anything...
...can you guys go home now?
IF SHE TELLS US TO GO HOME,
WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO GO HOME.
- Oi— - Oikura.
Did you say "unlock the door"?
What?
Yes. That's right.
When you unlocked the door and went in, your mother was gone...
But the windows were all boarded up, right?
And if the door was locked on top of that,
where did your mother leave the room from?
OWARIMONOGATARI SODACHI LOST
WHERE DID YOUR MOTHER LEAVE THE ROOM FROM?
A LOCKED ROOM
From where? From the door, of course.
The door unlocks if you turn the inside handle, so you can leave that way.
Then, was it a door that locks itself automatically?
It was a normal keyed door.
But the key was placed randomly somewhere around the house,
so I'm sure my mother locked the door before leaving.
Well, yeah. You're right.
Then, Oikura, setting aside the room's lock, what about the lock on the front door?
Why do you want to know something so trivial as that....
I don't really remember.
If she doesn't remember, that means it didn't make an impression on her.
That probably means that the door was properly locked, right?
If it was unlocked, she would've felt something was strange at that point.
I just don't get it...
Why does my mother's disappearance bother you so much? Why?
Hey, Araragi...
Do you know how I felt when I was taken into protective custody at your place?
I wondered why you guys were showing off.
I had thought that my house, and my family, was the norm.
No broken windows, no cracked walls, no cracked floors - a neat little house like that...
I couldn't believe that such a calm family could exist.
That's why I kept glaring at all of you the whole time.
I silently kept glaring.
Do you remember that?
Yeah...
A LIE.
I HAVE NO MEMORY OF BACK THEN.
It was so bright... that's why I ran away.
I was blinded by the brightness, and felt like my eyes would be crushed.
My body was going to be crushed by the warmth and comfort.
I WISH I NEVER KNEW.
I WISH...
But it was no good. It was too late.
I NEVER MET YOU.
After seeing something like that just once...
I realized just how miserable my house was.
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A NORMAL HOUSE.
SHE FELT THAT IT WAS BRIGHT.
By the time I found out, there was nothing I could do.
I tried strange ways to do something about it, and they started to say I was acting rebellious.
That caused me to be beaten even more often.
Where it wouldn't be seen on me...
...the parts of me that weren't visible...
...were all pummeled.
But upon escaping that, I couldn't fully escape.
I could no longer escape.
That's why, when I was reunited with you back in middle school, I felt like it was destiny.
Didn't I do my best to kiss up to you?
Well, in reaction to that, when we had our second reunion in high school,
I was a bit too harsh with you.
In any case, you had forgotten about me, so none of that really mattered.
Really... things just don't go well.
With Tetsujo gone, I finally thought that I could start over this time.
Araragi in my class yet again? That's impossible.
I really do feel something like destiny here. A destiny much like a curse.
You show up at every significant event in my life and spread forth disaster.
- It's my fault? - That's right.
Because of you, my life is in shambles...
No. I know it's not your fault. I know that I'm the one at fault...
What my mother said was correct.
If the baby born wasn't me, it would've been a decent one.
It's my fault. I despise myself.
I... I despise myself.
But you know, if I don't blame it on you, I can't keep going, Araragi.
I'm sorry, but please be my villain.
I can't take it anymore.
I can't recover if my parents are the only villains I blame.
Oikura...
I wonder why things never go well for me.
I'm doing things properly, I'm doing my best, I'm making a good effort...
Of course, personality or sanity included, there are all sorts of strange things.
But I haven't done anything that calls for all the punishment I've received so far.
Tell me, Araragi. You're happy right now, right?
If I'm contributing even just a little bit, if you think that, tell me.
Why can't I be happy?
You're not happy because you're not trying to be happy.
Nobody can make someone who isn't trying to be happy into someone that's happy.
You sound like you know what you're talking about.
I don't know everything. I only know what I know.
Really, that's how it is. You're correct.
ANSWER
I mean, considering how frail I am, if I was happy, I'd get crushed. Like, crunch.
My eyes, my body, they'd be crushed. I couldn't bear the weight of happiness.
Instead of being happy after all this,
I rather be steeped ankle-deep in lukewarm unhappiness and bear all of it.
I want to keep my shoes soaking wet for as long as I live.
In reality, that's what I've been doing...
Yup.
I can't be happy after all this.
It's already too late.
TOO LATE.
THEN WHEN WOULD IT HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED MAKING IT IN TIME?
OR, WAS IT THAT WAY BEFORE THAT, IT WAS ALREADY TOO LATE—
MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND.
EVERYTHING WAS A THING OF THE PAST, HARDLY WORTH MENTIONING,
WAS IT SOMETHING THAT COULDN'T BE UNDONE, UNABLE TO RETURN, AND TOO LATE FOR IT—
NO.
INCORRECT.
THAT'S NOT HOW IT IS.
No way.
There's no happiness that's so heavy you'd be crushed by it.
Happiness isn't bright or heavy.
Don't overestimate what happiness is.
All kinds of happiness are perfect for you.
So don't despise happiness like that.
Don't despise the world, don't despise anything and everything....
Don't despise yourself.
All the types of "despise" within your body... I'll accept all of them for you. I'll accept them all.
So I want you to love yourself more.
YOU CAN DESPISE ME AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.
AT LEAST AS MUCH AS I
USED TO LOVE YOU BEFORE.
It's true that I'm currently very happy... that's why I'll make the effort to say this!
It's a given that everyone has something like this!
Well said.
Town hall...
Someone from town hall is coming soon.
I'm sorry to interrupt as you become passionate, but I really want you guys to go home.
They're going to come check if I'm living a proper life.
Right now, they're barely overlooking the fact that I'm refusing to go to school.
If they saw me arguing with my classmates, I'd be in trouble.
I see. Then we'll go home for today.
But we'll come again tomorrow. The day after, too.
Not to mention the weekend, even if it troubles you.
Troubling those we care about is how we do things.
Oh, I forgot to tell you. I should've said this at the beginning.
I've grown to be pretty fond of you.
Then, you guys... please look for my mother who disappeared.
If you can find her, I wouldn't mind going to school again.
And I wouldn't mind apologizing to Senjyogahara.